MEN’S ZONE AND THEIR LIFE STORIES

“Dad: He’s less dramatic than Mom, but harder to find him when we want something.”

A few days ago, I started thinking about sharing my perspective on life with my partner, the father of my children, and the other side of parenthood on my blog. As the days passed, the thought faded away, amidst other topics.

But one day, a small conversation appears:

“Did you check my last post?“

“Why? Is something about me.”

Since it was not the first time I heard this response from my husband, and it was not the first time that he irritated me with this comment, I said:

“You ask again why I am not considering writing a few words about your role in the family. So I’ll write about your time machine, your lack of memory, and your silly calls during my work hours.“

I didn’t want to write anything behind his back or make him feel like I had written something wrong, but his response was:

“Go ahead,”– and he laughed out loud.

So, dear Dad, my kids, this is a post for you and about you. At your special request.

INITIATION

Once upon a time, far from this world, on another planet, there was a wonderful place with men who don’t exist on planet Earth.  And on this planet, the days don’t look like the following records:

TOILET – TIME MACHINE

I forgot a long time ago what it’s like to spend more than 2 minutes in the toilet.  I prefer not to close the door because kids are banging on the bathroom door, like FBI CREW, begging for milk. But if I try with the door open, it becomes impossible because two little eyes are staring at me. https://littlepuzzlesandme.com/ordinary-mornings-by-boss-baby/

Only my husband and his trips to the bathroom are like stepping into a time machine and transporting himself to a zone of peace and quiet, to the internet. While on the bathroom floor, he traveled to another world of men, another space of men. His trips last 10 to 15 minutes, the record being a 35-minute trip. It sounds like I’m counting, but I’m counting and admiring my little ones. They don’t even think about where Dad is. And the funniest thing is when they ask about Dad and I say:

“Daddy is in the toilet.”

They don’t care anymore. Here I was reminded of one of the parental jokes:

Every day, poor Mommy heard:

“Mom, where are my shoes?”

“Mom, I want an apple.”, 

“Mom, I want to poop, or pee, or more water.”

Anything they believe only Mom can do, and you can’t change it, despite trying.

And when Dad is home alone with the children, the first question is:

“Dad, where is Mommy?”

SHOPPING LIST – MEMORY LACK

When my husband opens the fridge:

“Honey, we have an empty fridge, and I have to go shopping.”

“Perfect”.

“Do we need something more?”

“No, but please make a list.”

“But it’s just food, I’ll remember.”

After 10 minutes, when I am busy with my children’s bedtime, my husband calls:

“Can you send me a list of what we need?”

“Are you kidding me? You looked in the fridge yourself and saw what was missing.”

“I saw it, but I don’t remember. It’s not a problem for you. Just open the fridge and make a list, please.”

Of course, in the meantime, I started bathing the kids, and when I went to make the shopping list, they started splashing around, playing with shampoo, and crying after two minutes. This is normal when they’re left alone. Dora splashes Patrick in the face, and he gets shampoo in his eyes. It’s a real bummer. My husband didn’t hang up and patiently waited for the list.

“You hear this drama, right? Just buy what you remember.”

“Ok, but don’t get mad at me later”.

MOMY AT WORK – SILLY PHONES

What my husband used to say when I asked:

“Why didn’t you pick up the phone?”

“I was at work, honey?”

During my day at work, I have three phone calls – in the first hour only, all from my husband. The main topic of conversations:

“Honey, what shoes for Dora?”

“It’s raining outside, give her wellies.”

“Where is Patrick’s jacket?”

“He has had this same jacket for a year and a half now”.

Or my favourite:

“Did you see my sunglasses?”

I was lucky to work in a shop with a mother of two. Or as I have often heard from her, a mother of three. The husband can also be included in the children’s group.

Next conversation in rush hour in the shop:

“What to do for the kids’ lunch?“

“Why are you asking me? Ask your children. Patrick has been speaking for several years, and Dora understands everything and can answer.”

“Maybe I’ll make spaghetti, they like it, right?“

“They love it.”

I finished my delivery, and there was no queue in the store anymore. Finally, I have time for a chat and coffee with my boss, then the phone rings again:

“Honey, the kids want to see Mommy, so we’re on our way to see you.”

“Fine. I have almost done.”

And when I want to visit him at his work, with his children. Mission impossible.

“I’m busy. And it’s not good to bring the kids there.”

ENDING

In families, these small situations arise, completely different for the mother and the father. Most importantly, the children feel comfortable with this, and the family system works perfectly for them. To summarize, here’s a sample conversation between two men:

“Your Mom is mad at me because I’m lazy.”

“Don’t worry, Daddy, Mom said the same thing about me last week.”